In this Land of the Free
We are free to be
You and me
Whom the Son set free

Happy Independence Day

(Click link above for poetry byte) 

Chronic Diva: Kizxandria Baker (Lupus Awareness Month)

Chronic Diva:Kizxandria Baker

We are wrapping up Lupus Awareness Month and I have a question for you. What does lupus have in common with lung disease, breast cancer, knee replacements, hip replacement, a hand brace, an arm sling, crutches, a mother who keeps beating cancer, a child who overcame Cystic Fibrosis, and a child who survived a brain tumor? Her name is Kizxandria Baker. She’s been through it all and she is a Chronic Diva!

My first encounter with Keeta, as she is affectionately called, was not the best.  There was no indication, whatsoever, that we would become the friends that we are today. Ironically, or perhaps I should say divinely, I was assigned to share a cubicle with her on my new job many years ago. I was happy to have found employment after my health caused me to leave my previous job. I dropped my belongings off at the cubicle I was assigned to and went off to training. Taking a break to unpack the things at my desk, I returned to chaos. Management had not informed the other employees that they would be sharing their space with the new kids on the block and Keeta was most furious. Already steaming at management for the absence of compassion they showed for her and her family’s bouts with illness, she was outraged at their further lack of consideration and poor communication with staff.

Fortunately for me, I was pretty unshakeable and survived the Wrath of Keeta! She admired my strength and patience with adversity that she so often desired to achieve. I applauded her audacity to faceoff with powers that be in a multimillion dollar corporation. We bonded over stories of having become bolder through dealing with illness and its perils. We spoke of dreams deferred. Keeta once had the beginnings of an acting and modeling career, but declined an invitation to Milan and gave it all up, as she decided to put her family and her health first. Then she was given a death sentence.  The doctor said she only had a few months to live. She came to regret her decision not to follow her heart and emboldened me to go for my dreams full speed ahead, despite anything I was going through. I told her she had to do the same and when I refused to help her plan her funeral she vowed to stop speaking death and to pick back up on her dreams.

We only had to share that space for a couple of months before the new private work areas were installed, but during that time the many conversations we held and the bond we formed would prove to be profound. Two years later, neither of us was still on that job, but what we took from those days has gotten us through the trials of chronic illness for 16 years and counting. While neither of us has yet to find a 9 to 5 that has accepted what we go through, we both have become fierce advocates and have decided that we never have to give up on even our wildest dreams. Today, we still push each other to our creative limits. Keeta has traveled with me to take my novel and my poetry on the road. She has gotten back into acting and we have starred in a poetry play together. She has recently completed her Master’s Degree and is applying to Law School. She wants to be able to help women who face what she herself had to go through. She is just about done with a short memoir of her stormy days to encourage others to keep pressing, the same way she has. She is even considering modeling again. Take cover, because I have no doubt that Keeta will take that world by storm, too. You know what they say about something that’s chronic…it’s persistent, perpetual, long-lasting. That she is! 


Rebound. Renew. Rejoice!

Image courtesy of jannoon028/

As a double divorcée and a devoted Christian, I have heard many a stigma still being placed on divorce, particularly aimed toward divorced women in the church. I was a bit taken aback by it at first, but I am no longer surprised at the questions that come up. I have come to realize that though a majority of Christians have experienced divorce, it is still often misunderstood. I have witnessed marriages that don’t last often reduced to a few scriptural references and this initially offensive question: Didn’t you see this coming before you got married? Then, the decision to leave is casually being blamed on frivolous whims and hasty decision-making, when in fact; it is usually well-thought out and prayed about. Often the problems that lead to a decline in a relationship are not obvious until the union is tested by major life stressors. At times this can be worked out, but when it leads emotional, physical or financial abuse there is good cause to consider leaving. Some choose to stay in broken marriages due to fear of starting over and being alone, losing hard-earned status or possessions, or simply a sheer determination to change someone.  

It is my goal to help other women recognize that there is no shame in leaving an abusive situation and that you will survive. I would also like to see a shift in thinking about how the Christian divorcée sees her future. Many have given up on the idea of obtaining a fulfilling marital relationship, without considering that this train of thought exposes us to lifestyles that are not conducive to our Christian walk and most importantly, it belittles the fact that God is a master of perpetual chances. As long as you have breath, there is still time to try and try again until you get it right. Certainly when we stumble in relationships, we should take the time to step back to examine our thought process, our attractions and distractions, but by the same token, we need to recognize that we are continually able to be made new. Even if it’s hard for you, place it in God's hands and remember that nothing is too hard for Him. Pray for a clean heart and keep it moving. Rebound, renew and rejoice!

Join me on Friday, May 17th at 7:30 p.m. with Literature over Libations and The Real Girlfriends of RDU next month as I kickoff my celebration of the 1st anniversary of my debut novel, Diary of a Divorcée Diva, with my first book club feature! Location TBA.


We are in the midst of Women’s History Month and it all about empowerment! With all the negativity between women portrayed on television these days and being labeled as real, I would like to submit to you this one thing…..that’s not my reality! In my writing, I encourage women to be strong despite circumstance and to lean on each other. To never feel like you are alone in this thing called life. I would like to take this time to thank every female who has been there for me. From my great-grandmother and grandmothers to my mom, aunties, godmothers to that talented, blessed princess child of God, my niece! My sisters-in-Christ, line dance sisters, business and performance networking sisters, sisters I grew up with and sisters I have met further along the way. This is for you!
 I kicked off my Diva Love tribute on my website this month to recognize and reciprocate the support of the women who have been instrumental in launching my dreams. Not only have I been inspired and uplifted by these women who I know, but I have benefited from the kindness of strangers, as well. Women who have simply heard about me, or have seen me out there on the grind and felt a kinship, have garnered me with offers of assistance and words of encouragement. Such was the case with the newest member of my sister circle, Nicole, of Refours Boutique in Durham, NC. She will be offering some fabulous fashion this weekend at the Women’s Empowerment Expo in Raleigh and helping to spread the word about my novel, The Divorcée Chronicles: Diary of a Divorcée Diva. I thank my sisters. Now, go thank yours!

Thanks be to God for all women and to you I dedicate my latest work, Queen!

I’m not pristine
But still a man died to make me Queen
There’s been no recital
I was born to wear this title
You see I am the child of a King
I wear His armor beneath my gown
And righteousness is my highest crown
I don’t sweat the prize for He told me just reach for it
And in His time it will be mine
There’s no strife in my life
His burden is light
He lifts me up
Overflows my cup
Sets me upon a hill
With dreams and destiny fulfilled
I stepped in the furnace but came forth as gold
With riches untold
Not just the kind that you count
But you’ll figure it out
When you look me over and see no hint of smoke
No singe in my hair
No evidence that I’d ever been there
If you’re still baffled at what kept me alive
How I survived
It’s no wonder you see
He lives in me
And while the fire was blazing
He said with a voice so amazing
Oh, Princess Child of mine
Just trust and abide
Then as He opened the gate and gazed at me
He guaranteed that while it won’t be easy being royalty
You’ve passed the test, you’ve been set free
And one day you will be

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Image Courtesy of podpad/ 

Loving YOU!

Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day and love is again in the air! With February being so focused on love between couples, it is often a time of doubt for women who are going through divorce and separation. Some of the most confident women I know have allowed divorce to make them doubt their decision-making, doubt they are worthy to be loved and doubt that they can ever be whole again. Having been a Divorcée Diva for a few years now, I often forget just how much you go through before you reach that point of becoming victorious over such notions. Some women have yet to get there at all and often ask me how it is possible that when asked if I would do it again, I come with an unequivocal and anticipatory answer of yes! My answer is simply this…if God loves me and I love myself, then my love is complete and it should be easy for me to share that love with the man who God has for me.

Most of us know that God loves us, so that leaves the question of whether you have you learned to love yourself. Your ultimate goal should be to remain true to self and to the desires of your heart. Focus on the past only as opportunity for reflection and re-evaluation to perfect your future, never as reason to doubt who you are and what you are worth. If you are going through this transition, be sure not to get caught up in the bombardment of focus on couples at this time of year. Focus on LOVING YOU! 

Here’s a bit of my poetry to remind you what you’re made of:

Elastic recoil hindered from waiting to exhale

But still dancin’ in her stilettos though her feet are calloused from walking away from the drama

There was a time when she would have fought back and said “Go tell it to yo’momma”

Now her tongue is bruised from biting back words of disrespect trying to submit

But he ain’t done it with God so she can’t fix it 

Distal phalanges scarred from barely holding on yet being soothed ‘cause she still gets her manicure 

As the artwork dries she uses them to turn the pages that lead to Psalm 30
Verse 5

She knows the man of God is out there looking for her somewhere

Like Lazarus she will live and love again

This is the Anatomy of a Divorcée Diva, my friend!

When Stars Align

Heavenly Choir at Durham Government MLK Celebration

 I had a wonderful time over the past few days celebrating Martin Luther King, Jr. with my former co-workers and watching the inaugural celebrations that coincided with the holiday. It was a very inspiring time and it sparked this small tribute to Dr. King and President Obama, straight from a Diva's Heart!

How divine, when stars align!
Celebrating on this day, the birth of a King
In the 50th year of the march for the justice he wished to bring
In the same time and space where it all took place,
His presence now stands tall to witness it all
As we, Black, White and the rainbow in between
Usher in, yet again, the manifest destiny of a dream!

Happy Birthday Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. and Congratulations President Barack Obama!

All Things New

Welcome to this wonderful new year! I would like to thank all of my friends, family and fans who supported me throughout 2012 and to say thanks for stopping by to those who are just beginning to explore what's on this diva's heart!

Last year, my writing was centered around the recovery of wounded hearts and how to overcome the scars of the past. While I may occasionally revisit these themes, 2013 will be all about the journey of discovering all things new, while taking care of each other's hearts along the way.

Looking ahead, I will also be working on the next chapter of The Divorcée Chronicles. I will post sneak peeks of Mikayla's journey into dating after divorce and her endeavors to teach those whom she encounters how to date a diva! In between my own posts, I will have guests dropping by with the male perspective to round it all out.

Here's to using the lessons learned from the past to build towards a brighter future. I pray that the new year will be prosperous and full of discovery for us all! This is coming to you...

Straight from a Diva's Heart!

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